i know you're tortured within

In the past week, two of my close friends have confessed that they have romantic feelings for me. For a lot of people, that would be a good thing. For me, I’m not sure how to feel about it.

For the last few months, I’ve been restricting myself from dating people. Truth be told, I am far too depressed to be in a relationship right now. I was in a relationship recently, but it was me going against my moral standing and acting without thinking. The point is, I want to distance myself from getting romantically involved with anybody.

I can’t take care of somebody else if I don’t even know how to take care of myself.

I didn’t exactly “reject” both people who confessed to me but I did explain to them that I’m really not stable enough to be in a relationship right now. They were understanding, so that’s not where my problem lies. The problem is how guilty I feel for letting each of them down. I’ve always been used to being the person who chases after people, not the person who gets chased after. It’s very surreal to have more than one person like me in more than a 1-month time frame. It’s a little overwhelming, especially with my current mental state.

I know it’s not my fault and that I can’t force myself to be in a relationship that I won’t be comfortable in. Regardless, I still feel shitty. There’s not much I can do about that.

I didn’t come on here to write in depth about my current experience but I did just want to share a few short thoughts. I wonder if anybody shares same feelings that I am right now.