i know you're tortured within

I hate feeling like a nuisance to the people I care about. Like, sorry I want to talk to you. I think you’re so fucking cool. Just kill me I guess. It’s fine.

Like, it’s so embarrassing when I ask someone to hang out, get told no (or get ignored lol), and I see them spending time with somebody hours or minutes later. Like jesus fucking christ. You might as well just spit in my face and tell me to jump off a bridge.

It’s even worse when the person used to be so available and seemed to want to talk to me often. They would constantly ask me to call or whatever and I’d ALWAYS answer.

I’m tired of feeling like this. I can’t just cut these people off, because then I’d be a loser and a social outcast and some of these people are literally like family to me. It’s not easy at all. But I kind of wish I could go for days without texting or calling somebody and not feel crappy about it.

I think I’ll just start calling them out more. It might not be effective, but at least I’ll be able to tell who’s aware of their shitty behavior and who just doesn’t care. I lose more self-respect every day that I let that shit slide.